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| Source: Personal Collections |
Please don't wake me up from this fairy tale
Until the end of the spell
Just let me run away
From this living hell
 |
| Source: Pinterest |
Reality is a constant nightmare
Not because it kills me on its own
But it kills me through the knowns and the unknowns
And dream is a caged safe haven
A land of a little fantasy inside the insanity
Yet also a land of unreality
It's not a choice between reality and dream
It's a challenge to overcome both
Even when misery seeps in
To the very core of my body
But how?
 |
| Source: Google |
Hold me, you shall never, ever see me
Blankets will not hesitate me
Flowers shan't even wake
Kiss me, this the last time you may see me
This the last time light shall harm me
I shall cry myself to death
Funny, how you never showed your love to me
Lovely, oh the lights I can see
It's gleaming in my eyes like when you
Burned me, tear my skin off and leave me
This the last time you may hold me
This the last time I shall say, "goodbye"
 |
| Source: Pinterest |
He was looking for solace
It could be someone or someplace
Or something he couldn't replace
But the road he took was rough
And he couldn't always be tough
So he finally had enough
Everyone he met was a liar
Everyplace he went was on fire
And everything he touched changed into a brier
He was really tired
And couldn't find the solace he desired
So he chose to turn around
And tried to heal his wound
And just like a wolf left its pack
He would never come back
 |
| Source: Pinterest |
Been a long road to follow
Been there and gone tomorrow
Without saying goodbye to yesterday
Are the memories I hold still valid?
Or have the tears deluded them?
Maybe this time tomorrow
The rain will cease to follow
And the mist will fade into one more today
Something somewhere out there keeps calling
Am I going home?
Will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?
Zero gravity, what's it like?
Am I alone?
Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet?
Still the road keeps on telling me to go on
Something is pulling me
I feel the gravity of it all
 |
| Source: Pinterest |
Your own voice?
Your own words?
Your own thoughts?
This is a story about a girl.
She was really scared of her own self.
Sometimes when she closed her eyes,
She felt like she was walking alone in a dense forest.
Dark.
Cold.
Damp.
Quiet.
Nobody was there.
Just her.
And the further she went, the more scared she became.
She tried to get out, but the forest was endless.
She was trapped there and couldn't see the exit.
And suddenly, something started chasing her.
Something really atrocious, something hideous.
She didn't know what it was.
She was too scared to look.
But when she finally caught a glimpse of it,
The terror she felt was overwhelming.
That something was her own self.
She could hear herself screaming.
Screaming and screaming.
She could feel herself running.
Running and running.
Over and over again.
Until it became an endless loop.
And then after hours of desperation and agony,
She finally opened her eyes.
And everything went back to normal.
She was back in her room, on her bed.
In the middle of the night.
Crying.
She was all alone.
And she was still scared.
 |
| Source: Personal Collections |
And what is not?
What is true?
And what is not?
We live in a world full of lies.
So how can we know what's real and what's not real?
How can we know what's true and what's not true?
Well,
I guess we'll never know.
We just believe something's real and something's not real.
We just believe something's true and something's not true.
But what if I don't believe anything?
How can I decide what's real and what's not real?
What's true and what's not true?
In the end, only my own self can answer those questions.
And what's my answer?
Nothing.
We just believe something's true and something's not true.
But what if I don't believe anything?
How can I decide what's real and what's not real?
What's true and what's not true?
In the end, only my own self can answer those questions.
And what's my answer?
Nothing.
 |
| Source: Pinterest |
Just like a starless night
Black
Dark
Empty
But you who was standing there
With tears in your eyes
Still looked painfully beautiful
 |
| Source: Google |
I remembered that scent
A really nostalgic scent
It wildly reached my deepest thought
Until I couldn't stop thinking about it
And then he came
A person with that scent
A beautiful person
With jet black hair
And jet black eyes
He was just like my favorite flower
Standing tall in the midst of chaos
My beautiful flower
Daisy
A black, black, daisy
Pulling me inside an endless darkness
With invisible force
And pierced me right through my heart
To the point I bled to death
But still
I couldn't bring myself to despise him
I couldn't bring myself to despise him
Who was beautiful enough
To made me burst into tears
My lovely black daisy
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| Source: Google |
Ada separuh waktu tergeletak di atas meja
Detiknya jatuh terburai ke lantai, meneteskan kemarin dan esok hari
Tak ada suara apapun di sana
Yang ada hanya detik yang berjatuhan dalam diam
Dan tangisan laki-laki tua yang tak terdengar
Laki-laki tua itu terduduk di atas lantai, menatap sang waktu dengan mata terpejam
Tangannya mengais detik yang terus berjatuhan
Hanya mengais
Dan terus mengais
Tak peduli detik itu tetap meleleh dari sela-sela jari keriputnya
Dan meninggalkannya seorang diri
Dalam lautan detik yang kini melebur
Menjadi guratan yang menyaru dalam ruang tak berujung
Menenggelamkannya semakin dalam
Hingga ke dasar yang tak terlihat oleh siapapun
Tanpa henti
Sampai nanti saatnya tiba
Ketika separuh waktu telah sepenuhnya jatuh ke lantai
Dan kemarin serta esok hari tak lagi tersisa
Detiknya jatuh terburai ke lantai, meneteskan kemarin dan esok hari
Tak ada suara apapun di sana
Yang ada hanya detik yang berjatuhan dalam diam
Dan tangisan laki-laki tua yang tak terdengar
Laki-laki tua itu terduduk di atas lantai, menatap sang waktu dengan mata terpejam
Tangannya mengais detik yang terus berjatuhan
Hanya mengais
Dan terus mengais
Tak peduli detik itu tetap meleleh dari sela-sela jari keriputnya
Dan meninggalkannya seorang diri
Dalam lautan detik yang kini melebur
Menjadi guratan yang menyaru dalam ruang tak berujung
Menenggelamkannya semakin dalam
Hingga ke dasar yang tak terlihat oleh siapapun
Tanpa henti
Sampai nanti saatnya tiba
Ketika separuh waktu telah sepenuhnya jatuh ke lantai
Dan kemarin serta esok hari tak lagi tersisa
 |
| Source: Personal Collections |
Suara letusan kembang api terdengar nyaring di seantero lanskap. Cahaya warna-warni bertaburan di langit, membentuk bunga-bunga bulat yang hilang dalam sekejap. Semua orang terlihat bersorak-sorai dengan gembira, menyambut tahun yang baru saja dimulai.
Aku termenung di atas sebuah atap bangunan tua yang tak lagi berpenghuni. Suasana di luar sana begitu ramai, tapi aku merasakan keheningan yang tak terkira. Bahkan aku tak lagi bisa mendengar suara letusan yang memenuhi langit malam ini. Aku hanya bisa mendengar suara napas dan detak jantungku sendiri. Suara yang menjadi tanda bahwa aku masih hidup.
Aku langsung tenggelam di dalam pikiranku sendiri. Di dalam sini, aku merasa sesak karena ribuan pertanyaan memaksa masuk. Kenapa aku hidup? Kenapa aku terlahir di dunia ini? Untuk apa? Apakah hidupku memiliki arti?
Meski sudah berjuta kali aku bertanya, sampai saat ini aku tidak pernah tahu jawabannya. Yang aku tahu, aku hanyalah satu dari miliaran manusia lain yang hidup di bumi. Aku hanyalah satu dari seluruh makhluk hidup yang ada di jagad raya. Betapa remehnya, betapa tidak signifikannya aku di hadapan dunia ini. Betapa aku merasa begitu kecil, hingga tak ada satupun mata yang bisa melihat keberadaanku. Betapa aku merasa bahwa jika aku menghilang, dunia bahkan tak akan berkedip sekalipun.
Mungkin itu sebabnya saat ini aku duduk sendirian di atas bangunan tua tak berpenghuni. Mungkin itu sebabnya saat ini aku tak bisa mendengar letusan meriah kembang api yang memenuhi udara. Mungkin itu sebabnya saat ini tak ada yang mendengar teriakanku meminta tolong. Mungkin itu sebabnya saat ini tak ada yang menyadari air mataku yang bergulir tanpa henti. Mungkin itu sebabnya saat ini aku tak lagi merasa 'hidup'.
Entah sudah berapa lama waktu telah berlalu. Teriakan dan tangisanku sudah usai. Kini aku terlentang menatap langit penuh cahaya warna-warni. Kupejamkan mataku perlahan dan kubiarkan kegelapan menyelimutiku.
Tahun yang baru telah tiba, tapi aku masih terjebak di kurungan yang sama. Kehabisan tenaga karena selalu berusaha keluar, namun selalu gagal. Dari dalam kurungan ini, tak ada yang bisa melihatku. Tak ada yang bisa mendengar suaraku. Tak ada yang bisa merasakan keberadaanku. Aku tahu.
Aku tahu.
Tapi meski aku sudah tahu, setiap tahun, pada hari yang sama dan jam yang sama, aku selalu mendatangi atap bangunan tua ini, lalu berteriak dan menangis. Meminta tolong pada mereka yang bahkan tidak mengetahui keberadaanku. Selalu. Tanpa pernah melewatkannya sekalipun.
Tahun yang baru telah tiba. Setahun lagi, aku akan kembali ke tempat ini. Mengulang siklus yang tak terhenti. Berharap waktu akan menyelamatkanku suatu hari nanti.
